The old woman in charge of my soul is a panhandling bitch who makes me drink the poison of what she sows,

I know it sounds dramatic but give me a second if you saw it all you would understand 
sometimes it takes a bit to get to the best bits.

My best bits are so so good. They’re like limited edition sealed specially plastically packaged unreplicatable perfection.

If you can’t see that it’s not my problem;

I mean I can’t see it sometimes and that’s totally my problem because if I can’t see where the well of my well-being ends it sounds like a bit of an existential problem and I’ve been fighting it for a long time but recently I felt so close so I did this big dramatic dive and I can’t tell if I hit rock bottom or if the surface tension of myself broke around me

you’d think you’d feel that you’d think you know

and sometimes I do

which makes me feel like I don’t.

Me and my heart and my head and my problems all lie awake in my bed begging to be unique and unsolvable and supplydemand lovable but my soul and my stomach and my surrounding environment say hey buddy those bits that make up  your person are part of this game and you’re glitching we’re sure of it we’ve been there before will you just hit pause you’re not even on the scoreboard...

the username I read that was my own name it’s not even mine, mine is that and then hashtag shame 

siiiiiiick.

On the bright side I’m a hoarder I’ve got more and more special bits and I’m sure I’m positive that one of them will stick, 

I just wish I knew if that building on my horizon is real or if it’s a Hollywood set
An urge to cash in all my chips no matter the exchange rate shouldn’t I know how much I’m worth or does that not matter it is all a becoming

I’ve had recessions before but back then I knew that the buildings were real

when we flew over the Grand Canyon, what did you try to show me? 

I just have a feeling that you’ll never outbid me, Who am I referring to here? 

and God someone has to say it forgive me in advance but I just have to ask:

did you open this leaky faucet or have I 
just not been listening
to my local landscape